Bridal Thunderstorm

So I started this whole wedding planning thinking I would do everything anti-tradition. This included getting rid of the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the chicken dance, the white dress. Shoot! I might even be introduced to ACDC. But when it came to things like bridesmaid and bridal showers, I thought it would be fun to keep those things. What I did not realize is that with tradition comes headache and a lot of drama. My bridesmaid situation started with people complaining about wearing black, about not wearing black, about buying a dress, about not buying a dress. Then the shower came, and it started with 20 people and slowly started disintegrating to 4. I had excuses which ranged between "I have church", "I have to drive my husband to scuba test" (can't make this sh*t up), and there is a 99 cent special at McDonald's (okay I am joking about that one). So I made the best decision I have made since decided to not have the crystal trees, cancel the shower. All of sudden I got all these calls and sympathetic messages "oh I am so sorry", "We can still go out another night". The funniest part of it all is everyone thought it was someone else that screwed up when the truth is they all did. Well except for 4! (and one included me) So my special 3, and I are going to drink champagne, and eat a fancy brunch with goat cheese I hope. Screw this wedding crap - I am eloping!

First Dance

So I am sure we have all seen the video of the couple who danced to the song "I like big butts", and even though I did find it humorous to see a middle class white couple dancing to Sir Mixalot. I have decided these guys take the cake. As a matter of fact, I like this song so much I might ask my bridesmaids to learn the steps so we can break down in the middle of the dance floor and show off our moves in front of my midwestern in-laws. Oh, how much will they love me?

Bridal Shower Do's and Dont's

Went to my first bridal shower and here are some things I learned....

Bridal Shower Dos/Donts
Don't:
1. Leave your phone off if you are hosting the shower because there might be some person (possibly a bridesmaid) struggling with 5 lbs of soup, spices and proseco who is lost.
2. Talk about your wedding if you are a bride at a bridal shower that is not your own. For example "Oh, that is the same pasta machine on my registry." Who the hell cares what pasta machine you have on your registry no one is at your shower, and if I was I still wouldn't care.
3. Have soup
4. Register for 3 toasters
5. Don't have kids there they cry
6. Forget to tell people to put bows on their gifts otherwise it is hard to make a fake bouquet out of tulle, cardboard and bubble wrap.

Do:
1. Have alcohol
2. Spike the punch with vodka, proseco or anything for that matter besides juice.
3. Have great friends there (minus the one that talks about her own wedding)
4. Have a DVD video of your fiancee answering silly game show questions - So cheezy yet so cute! Even brought a tear to my eye.
5. Have a wonderful, wonderful bride who is sweet, funny, and did I mention wonderful.
6. Have plenty of food, specifically wine and cheese. Wine = grapes = food.
7. Have silly, sexy, embarrassing gifts ...It's okay we are all girls. Well that is assuming your mother in law, sister in law, and grandma in law are there then it might be too embarrassing.
8. Take pictures - it is always fun to look back at them.
9. Bring a pick up truck to carry all your stuff home or just a really nice man with a car.

So personally, I would have opted for the peanut butter pie or cheesecake instead of yellow cake, and the Eddy's slow churned strawberry yogurt instead of ice cream...But I am just weird like that. I also probably would not register for towels because somehow I might end up with 20 and we are only 2 people and I do not plan on having 8 kids.

Bridal shower games are fun, and probably should be limited to 3 that is unless there is nothing to talk about. But you figure with eating, drinking, opening gifts, reading bridal advice, and playing bride bingo you are probably all friends by the 4th hour. But trivia games are fun too so if you can somehow make that a shot game maybe you can throw in a 4th game.

I had a great time and this is by no means a way of insulting any bridal shower, but I expect with my crazy friends and their love and my love for vodka there might be a carafe somewhere on that table. I also somehow guess I will be drinking a martini and opening a box of sexy thongs that are stuck inside the blender I registered for. And I am also guessing there will be tons of yummy food, none which include soup.

Shoes

I find bridal shoes all look the same, and I was thinking I would love to wear some wild color Betsy Johnson pumps under the gown that only the slight movement would allow the very chic to know what I was wearing. And I would get "Ooh, where did she get those shoes?" But instead I fell in love with these shoes that sort of reminded me of the Manolo Blahnik Sedaraby (Manolo picture above), but since I did not have $700 to buy those I figured I have to look for something close. I promised myself I would not get the typical dyed shoes but I couldn't help myself when I saw the "Giselle" from Touch ups. They look just like the Manolo but of course not even close to the price. I was very pleased with my purchase and I figure I will have them dyed to match the gold on the dress. I may not get the same reaction from the leopard print Valentinos I originally looking at, but I may get the "are those the shoes from sex and the city?"

Anti-Bride

Because I wanted to stay away from doing a traditional wedding I opted not to have certain things. Here are some of the items: No white dress, no groomsmen; DJ instead of band; no limos (reception place is walking distance from church); no professional hair or make up lady (even though one of my friends offered to do my make up); no rehearsal dinner; no bouquet throw; no garter toss; no line dancing of any kind (that includes macarena, dollar, electric slide); as a matter of fact I also banned disco because the idea of having Donna Summer's "Last Dance" at the wedding makes me want to scream;no flower centerpieces; no wedding bun. [I must ask - Why is it that every bride decides even if they have never worn their hair up in a bun to do this ridiculous hairstyle on the day of the wedding? (see exhibit A above) Doesn't the groom ask "Who is this woman and what has she done with my wife?" Probably hiding in that bun of hers. Okay let us go back. I also opted for a hand made purse from some independent artist instead of the typical wedding satin ivory purse. These are little things but things I am proud is keeping me indie. (Hi indies!). I start to sway every so often, like last night when I caught myself looking at monogram crystal cake toppers at 1 am in the morning. But then I pull myself back or the FH throws a shoe at me or something like that. I will say I am a big fan of Ann Wood cake toppers (again my tastes are too expensive for my budget) http://www.annwoodhandmade.com/. So instead of limo maybe I will leave the church in a rickshaw. I know there are brides out there that secretly want to.

Colors

Well I debated on how to match my dress and I started thinking burgundy and gold sounds very Elizabethian. Until everyone who is anybody started giving their opinion "Too dark for the summer" "Why don't you pick brighter colors?" "How about pastels?" This is when I started to realize..Everyone will have an opinion on your wedding choices and you just have to let it not bother you. So I started thinking maybe gold and yellow. Well that might be too bright. Finally I thought it all is going to come down to bridesmaid dresses (another post on that). Well I do not want my bridesmaid to wear a color that they hate or that look like typical bridesmaid dress. So no fuschia pink, no lime green. The only color I thought everyone looks good in and everyone loves and is elegant and classy is black. Now the minute I said "black" I heard "oh its a wedding not a funeral!" Well you know what? It is the death of me being single. Call it what you want. I am doing black and my girls will hopefully love me because they can wear the dress again. Right? Wrong! One girl said she wanted a sash, the same girl said it was too hot in July in NY to wear black. This same girl has been nothing but a blister on my foot since this process started so I shrugged my shoulders. After realizing you cant please everyone, I simply sent an email with a picture of the dress and said: "Get measured by Feb. 1st." Done and Done! My FH decided on having no groomsment to avoid politics, and to avoid playing favorites. SMART MAN! Okay back to color. So my colors are black and gold, and now the question is how to incorporate this? Here goes nothing: I bought gold chargers from Michaels for $2.00 for the place card table with ivory pillars. I ordered gold and black place cards from http://www.etsy.com/ , and I bought a black and gold purse from etsy as well. My shoes will be dyed to match the dress light gold, and my girls might or might not wear a sash and I bought them gold and black cameo broaches. The flower girl is wearing an ivory and gold dress. My invitations are gold and black, and my thank you cards are the same design as my place cards with gold and black borders. Okay when do I stop? Why is it I have this urge to go buy gold napkins, and I am already looking at menu cards and programs with these colors. Oops! Forgot to mention the gold and black truffles for the truffles bar. Damn! I am not kidding I even considered the new Gold Vodka with 24kt gold flakes for martinis - I need some help. Someone help me!

White Wedding Dress

Well my dress I already bought and I have no idea why it still has not arrived. I believe I ordered it in October and the woman is talking April. Am I the only one that thinks that is strange. What are they making my dress from silk imported from Thailand? No! Because I am doing a budget wedding. Even though I am on a budget, I am still way to pretentious for my budget and my tastes do not belong anywhere near that excel spreadsheet. With that said, I could not go the Davids Bridal route. Instead I fell in love with a Maggie Sottero. Luckily she is not too expensive (Less than $2K) and I am very happy with the decision. But that is not to say that I was lucky enough to visit Kleinfelds because you can not get married in NY without visiting Kleinfelds at least once. But I went during a trunk show which was good but you have to buy the dress off the rack that same day and no alterations. Wow! I can not make a decision that quickly. I mean I am impulsive but that is just too much even for me. Because I hate the idea of a traditional wedding I swore I would not wear white. I mean lets be honest, I am not "pure". Sorry mom! And I did not want to wear ivory, so if not because wearing red would give my Catholic parents a heart attack I opted for Gold. Not the Christmas Tree ornament gold but more like the champagne bubbly gold. Which makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. So now the dilemma is how do I match my wedding colors to this? On to the next topic... Wedding colors.